Bipolar
bi-po-lar
[bīˈpōlər]
1. Having or relating to two poles of extremities.
2. (of a person) suffering from bipolar disorder.
Now that, my girls, is the seriousness of my bipolar case. Anyways. I'm not here to make a no-funny funny joke.
I was scrolling down my instagram earlier and saw a long note written by a girl to her late father. And I was stumbled upon that for I bet longer than just half an hour. Really, reading things related to fathers, I always get emotional.
I was raised up by my mom most of the time. And an aunt too cs mom back then was busy with work and we rarely got to spend time together. I didn't get my father's attention a lot too though. I would say, we all lived end to end. That's why. I envied my friends A LOT. I'm serious. I mean, he bought me the world, literally. He would buy me every single little things that I wanted back then. Only if he knew those weren't want I wanted. He came down to mom's place every twice a month. Only if he knew that wasn't enough.
Back when I was younger, I used to be everything to him. Or maybe that's just what I thought I was to him. And things between us, as everything else in the world, changed after a while. I'm no longer his favorite. No longer his cup of tea. Again, maybe that's just what I thought I turned out to be to him. So i started wondering why. Maybe because I was one of his biggest mistakes in life. Or maybe because I'm stubborn. Or even maybe, he doesn't like me anymore. You know, those "OR MAYBES". He acted like he couldn't care less bout me. And that, my dear, I kept in my heart. And maybe that's why I get so sensitive when it comes to FATHERS.
But like me, he's bipolar too I guess. We tried to fix our relationship when he started sending me off to college like almost everyday. Every week at the very least sometimes. He picked me up from classes. And I thought, "Oh look, I have a father." And then, things started to change again. We had a terrible fight during my finals and I decided to "run away". Went back to college and started to do crazy things with my ex and our friends. CRAZY. Soon after, I thought to myself, "How can you let this situation destroy you?" So I went home and gave us another chance to start fresh. Things were well until...I figured out, things were never well.
I didn't get to kiss him goodbye anymore. (maybe I'm a bad kisser) I don't get to hug him goodbye anymore. (Maybe I give a bad hug) Worse, we only exchange 'I Love You' in 27 seconds phone calls. I get mad very often when he criticizes my best friends. The way he criticized my Kirah. I tried to ignore though. But I don't know. If he doesn't love me, he shouldn't be over-protective then. Or maybe he's trying to lock me from the knowing of outside world. Maybe. I can't stop creating all these possible WHAT IFS.
*I wish we're normal so I can show you off to the world Pa
