Of Us,

Anniversaries, I love anniversaries. Well just as long as it is mine. Hey, I think we've reached far enough this time around. You're an absolute keeper. 

To the one, one and only one who came - the one I've been spending my living breath on, Happy 11 months. Thank you for making me the happiest along this very subtle journey. I have definitely no idea what have I done to deserve you in my life.

To the one who never ever hesitates when I ask 'Do you love me?', I really hope we have all the time in the world so we can spend them ridiculously. I hope we have every rights in the world, to do what we want to do, to achieve what we want to achieve and to forever have one another in each other's arms. 

*let's raise the glass to us. for better days, and for many more years of healthy relationship

Too Personal For Your Liking

Me, I get sentimental a lot at times. And on a serious-er note, I'm bipolar. Ahh. Yes, bipolar. 

Bipolar

bi-po-lar

[bīˈpōlər]

1.  Having or relating to two poles of extremities.

2.  (of a person) suffering from bipolar disorder. 

Now that, my girls, is the seriousness of my bipolar case. Anyways. I'm not here to make a no-funny funny joke. 

I was scrolling down my instagram earlier and saw a long note written by a girl to her late father. And I was stumbled upon that for I bet longer than just half an hour. Really, reading things related to fathers, I always get emotional.

I was raised up by my mom most of the time. And an aunt too cs mom back then was busy with work and we rarely got to spend time together. I didn't get my father's attention a lot too though. I would say, we all lived end to end. That's why. I envied my friends A LOT. I'm serious. I mean, he bought me the world, literally. He would buy me every single little things that I wanted back then. Only if he knew those weren't want I wanted. He came down to mom's place every twice a month. Only if he knew that wasn't enough. 

Back when I was younger, I used to be everything to him. Or maybe that's just what I thought I was to him. And things between us, as everything else in the world, changed after a while. I'm no longer his favorite. No longer his cup of tea. Again, maybe that's just what I thought I turned out to be to him. So i started wondering why. Maybe because I was one of his biggest mistakes in life. Or maybe because I'm stubborn. Or even maybe, he doesn't like me anymore. You know, those "OR MAYBES". He acted like he couldn't care less bout me. And that, my dear, I kept in my heart. And maybe that's why I get so sensitive when it comes to FATHERS. 

But like me, he's bipolar too I guess. We tried to fix our relationship when he started sending me off to college like almost everyday. Every week at the very least sometimes. He picked me up from classes. And I thought, "Oh look, I have a father." And then, things started to change again. We had a terrible fight during my finals and I decided to "run away". Went back to college and started to do crazy things with my ex and our friends. CRAZY. Soon after, I thought to myself, "How can you let this situation destroy you?" So I went home and gave us another chance to start fresh. Things were well until...I figured out, things were never well. 

I didn't get to kiss him goodbye anymore. (maybe I'm a bad kisser) I don't get to hug him goodbye anymore. (Maybe I give a bad hug) Worse, we only exchange 'I Love You' in 27 seconds phone calls. I get mad very often when he criticizes my best friends. The way he criticized my Kirah. I tried to ignore though. But I don't know. If he doesn't love me, he shouldn't be over-protective then. Or maybe he's trying to lock me from the knowing of outside world. Maybe. I can't stop creating all these possible WHAT IFS.

*I wish we're normal so I can show you off to the world Pa

Peonies, Favorite

How do these come into words..? Emm, my mistake was I took everybody who cared about me for granted. I pushed people away. I never returned loves. And 20 years have come and gone. Right when I think life is at its best, life is sailing smoothly, life is balanced with its stories of love, life, family, friends, studies and FUTURE, I came across a person I'm proud to call my another half. The half that will definitely break your heart if you see her happy with a person that doesn't deserve her love.

I don't know how many million pieces do i shatter into. 

I don't think anybody will ever deserve her. That's the only thing. I see her as, everything. The reason how I get this far in life, besides mom and dad. I worship her. Dude, I do. 

My sidekick, seriously.

*I've worded them right

Birthday Shoutout

To the greatest girl I have ever encountered in my life, Siti Shahkirah Shaharul, Happy 20th Birthday to you. You've grown to be such a pretty young lady. I pray for nothing less but your success in your racing career as well as your studies. I hope you know how much have you brought into my life so far. You have absolutely brought out my inner self. And for that I am thankful. Thankful for sometimes being my only source of confidence, thankful for staying all this while through a lot of ups and downs. And not to forget, thankful for being my number one source of inspiration. I hope you will always be my muse because I believe you are the only one who can. May you grow to be a much better person in the future. Happy Birthday again little girl. Love. Always love. 

*how can i not love this Tweety Bird

♥

R

Distant Hope

And I swear if we were to be the last ones standing, I'll be your only keeper. And I swear to forever be your prisoner. 

But we're not. 

In the meantime, I hope we could cherish everyday of our lives together. 

"The scent of perfume all she has to hold." - Dallas Green

Blogging makes me cliche. Not in a bad way. In a reaaaaaaal good way. For of my many hopes and dreams are written down in manner here. LOL me.  

Life, for 11 months, were good though. Really it was by far the greatest 11 months I've ever crossed by. At a point I refuse to move on. But you see, you don't live alone. You don't just get to please your own self. And I wonder why is that so.

*answers please?

♥

R

Oh Hello

I find it hard to begin again. Not because I'm trapped in the past but because I'm walking a different path now. 

This is a real emotion blog. Seriously.

Paths collide so you can learn to learn. About life, things and shits. But what if the paths collide and you're stuck in the moment?

*you must have made me very confuse